Tuesday, November 27, 2007
secret revealedBismillahir Rahmanir Rahim.
Assalamualaikum kawan2
:)
i called mak last week,
and she said that she had majlis doa selamat held the other day.
now that the word is out,
i guess i can now tell you about the thing
that kept me
down and
blue recently.
i've been calling my mom alot these past few months.
as much as twice a week,
but Alhamdulillah,
mom said she's ok now,
so now the frequency of calling have dropped to once in a few weeks.
seriously,
i honestly do not know what in the world,
is wrong with the men in my immediate family.
you guys already know about the issue between me and my dad,
so, what other men am i talking about?
the only other one.
i'm talking about ahmad hakim.
yes, that brother of mine, ahmad hakim.
at the starting of ramadhan,
ahmad hakim moved out of the house after a feud with mom,
making himself unable to be reached for a month.
when he finally reappeared,
he broke it up with his old gf
and got married to his current wife the very next day.
i didn't even knew her name.
nor have i ever met her.
word was, that they had majlis and all that.
word was, purple was the theme color.
golly huh?
i bet.
well, me and mom,
the uninvited,
uninformed ones,
only knew about it long after all that happened.
sounds like
dejavu?
like father like son.
there's actually truth to the old proverbs i gotta say.
i have written before,
that whatever dreams he wants realized, i'll support.
i meant that.
but not this way.
not this selfish, unmannered way.
if i was a stranger,
i'd be wondering what kind of family did he come from.
what kind of up bringing he had.
but i'm his sister, and his parents are my parents too.
well, if you say that i come from a dysfunctional family,
then bravo, you've got me cheering you cuz,
you're right.
if you think maybe i'm dysfunctional too,
well, i'll be congratulating you cuz,
i think you got that right too.
am i angry?
i'm not sure, really.
i'm not sure if i should be.
i'm not sure if i have the right to be.
he never needed my permission for anything.
i never insisted and he'd already prove that.
what's done is done.
he's got a wife.
congratulations.
end of story.
we all know that marriage is sunnah.
that marriage is Mercy from Allah.
but if the marriage was built on your mother's saddened tears,
would Allah give you Mercy?
i don't know, only Allah knows.
if the marriage was built by lying to your parents,
and then her parents, will Allah grant Barakah?
i don't know, only Allah knows.
i do not know anything and i won't pretend that i do.
it'd be easier if every thing is pure black or pure white,
all things taken into account,
fact is some things aren't.
some things aren't easy to swallow and just smile about it.
i'm used to rejections, or being unimportant,
this being the 2nd serving of unrequited surprise i'm made to swallow,
i assure you, that i'm a veteran at being treated like a stranger in my own family.
i don't know,
maybe i'm just numb now.
maybe i just don't care anymore.
an adult at 26,
he should be able to think and take responsibilities for his actions.
he should.
he's a husband now.
me,
i hope Allah shows me the way.
she used to cry every time i called
but Alhamdulillah,
mom says she's ok now.
that is all that matters.
she's all i have now in this world.
you know,
i thought i did,
but i guess i'm just a bird without a nest.
a stranger in my own family,
i guess home, wasn't exactly meant for me.
where i came from,
i guess it was just meant to be a starting point,
not a place to come back to.
i left at 13.
i'm now 28.
15 years later and i guess its just too late.
i don't know.
i'll leave it up to God.
Allah The Most Gracious,
Most Merciful.
The Most Knowledgable,
The Most Just.
Indeed,
Allah knows best.
and only in Allah do i trust.
i'll take this as a lesson to be learned,
a task, a trial to try.
the rest,
i'll leave it up to Him.
the world is afterall,
nothing but a quick passing enjoyment.
i shouldn't be attached to this world so much.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):
"And know that your possessions and children are but a trial
and that surely with Allaah is a mighty reward."
[al-Anfaal 8:28]
and,
"Beautified for men is the love of things they covet:
women, children, much of gold and silver (wealth),
branded beautiful horses, cattle and well-tilled land.
This is the pleasure of the present world's life,
but Allaah has the excellent return (Paradise)."
[Al 'Imraan 3:14].
The meaning of these aayat is that if the love of these things,
especially women and children,
is given precedence over obedience to Allaah and His Messenger,
then it is regarded as being bad,
but if the love of these things is within the bounds of sharee'ah,
it helps a man to obey Allaah and in this case it is praiseworthy.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"In this world, women and good scents have been made dear to me,
but dearest of all to me is prayer."
(Reported by Ahmad, 3/128; Saheeh al-Jaami', 3124).
Many men follow their wives in doing haraam deeds,
and allow their children to distract them from worshipping Allaah.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Children are the cause of grief, cowardice, ignorance and miserliness."
(Reported by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 24/241; Saheeh al-Jaami', 1990).
When he said that they are the cause of miserliness,
he meant that if a man wants to spend for the sake of Allaah,
the Shaytaan reminds him of his children, so he thinks,
"My children deserve the money,
I will leave it for them when I die,"
so he is miserly in the sense
that he refrains from spending it for the sake of Allaah.
When he said that children are the cause of cowardliness,
he meant that when a man wants to fight in jihaad for the sake of Allaah,
the Shaytaan comes to him and says,
"You will be killed and will die,
and your children will become orphans, lost and alone,"
so he stays home and does not go out for jihaad.
When he said that children are the cause of ignorance,
he meant that they distract a father from seeking knowledge
and trying to acquire learning by attending gatherings and reading books.
When he said that children are the cause of grief,
he meant that when a child gets sick, the parent feels grief;
if the child asks for something that the father cannot provide,
this grieves the father;
and if the child grows up and rebels against his father,
this is a cause of ongoing grief and distress.
This is not to say that one should forego marrying and having children;
what is meant is that one should beware of becoming preoccupied with them
and letting that lead one to commit haraam deeds.
Concerning the temptation of wealth,
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Every nation has its fitnah (trial or temptation),
and the fitnah of my ummah is wealth."
(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2336; Saheeh al-Jaami', 2148).
Eagerness to acquire wealth is more damaging to a person's religion
than the wolf who attacks the sheepfold.
This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
meant when he said:
"Two hungry wolves sent against the sheep do not do more damage to them
than a man's eagerness for wealth and standing does to his religion."
(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2376; Saheeh al-Jaami', 5620).
For this reason the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
urged Muslims to take just what is sufficient,
without hoping for more,
which could distract him from remembering Allaah.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
issued a warning to those who want to accumulate wealth,
except for those who give in charity:
"Woe to those who want to accumulate wealth,
except for the one who says with his wealth,
'Here! Here! Here!' (i.e., giving it away)
to one on his right,
one on his left,
one in front of him and one behind him,"
(reported by Ibn Maajah, no. 4129; Saheeh al-Jaami', 7137)
- meaning all forms of charity.
reference:
Do'ful Eemaan
Weakness of Faith
Book by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
i was talking to mak the other day,
and she said Alhamdulillah,
that Allah tests us this way.
its easier to be reminded when tried with sadness.
because we tend to forget when tried with wealth and leisure.
i find it true.
i find it so, so true.
i just hope He gives me strength.
i hope He shows me the way.
i really do hope i find the way.
Amin, Amin Ya Rabbal Al Amin.
"it meant the world to hold a bruising faith
now its just a matter of grace"
edri vented out at11/27/2007 01:17:00 PM
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